when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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