i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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