Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
