Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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