When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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