I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
