Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
