"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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