'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
