She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
