if you like me you must not know who I am
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
