I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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