I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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