Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
