i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
