You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
