awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i wish my penis had a tongue
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just had sex on a roof
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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