I accidentally had phone sex last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
