I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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