i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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