it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
