sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
