YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
