on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize