Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
