pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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