If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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