she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
