jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
