WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
