The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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