You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
