New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
