the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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