how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
