porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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