Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
