No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
