have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
