in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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