Kiss
Puke
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
