Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
this is an emotional support booty call
I would ride that face into the sunset
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