I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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