If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
