I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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