Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
