I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
