First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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