Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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