I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
