You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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