i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
