Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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