Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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