I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
