I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
