My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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