I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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