In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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