I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
