why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
