Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
