see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
