Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
