Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
