Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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