Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
