the condom got lost in my hair
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory