when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.