no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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