can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.