i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...