Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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