My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.