also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go