K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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