So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
